My sexy online toyboy is cagey about certain details and I worry he only wants me for cash

DEAR DEIDRE: SICK of my sleazy husband, I got myself a revenge toyboy.

We have wild nights of virtual sex, and exchange explicit messages all day, but I’m not sure he’s to be trusted.

My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers. We’re both now in our late 50s, although I look younger.

My husband is overweight and a drinker and hasn’t been able to get an erection since Boris Johnson was Prime Minister.

But I stuck by him, until I borrowed his iPad last year to look at photos of our grandchildren.

I discovered my husband had been sexting multiple other women, asking them to send him nude photos and videos.

I was devastated. To cheer myself up, I started spending more time online myself, and I’ve fallen in love with a younger man from Tunisia.

He’s only 40 and very handsome. He loves older women and calls me “Beautiful”.

Although the sex is only virtual (we do sexy FaceTime calls when my husband is at the pub), it’s electric.

He loves my body and the sight of him wanting me is incredibly arousing.

However, I’m uncertain about the future. My Tunisian lover is cagey about certain details.

I don’t know his address, and sometimes he disappears for days at a time.

He also doesn’t seem to work, aside from selling second-hand clothes and records on the local market.

He has needed money for medical appointments and rent, so I’ve sent him quite a lot. I’m now worried he’s only with me for the cash.

He seems to care for me. When I told him I was worried I was too old for him, he burst into tears!

And we’re in touch every day, more or less. But I don’t know what the future holds.

DEIDRE SAYS: Please don’t send this man any more money. I understand you felt betrayed and hurt by your husband, but this new man is not the answer.

You don’t know anything about him, or whether anything he says is genuine – including how he feels about you.

It’s concerning that he’s asking for money, and even more concerning that you’re sending it.

Instead of transferring another penny, contact actionfraud.police.uk and give them the full details. I suspect they’ll confirm this is a romance scam.

Your husband might be impotent due to an underlying health condition, so he should make an appointment with his GP.

The two of you shouId read my support pack Solving Erection Problems.

He may be sexting other women to try and feel better about his performance issues. My support back Cheating, Can You Get Over It? will help you work things through.

EX SAYS I’LL NEVER BE IN CHILD’S LIFE

DEAR DEIDRE: I WALKED out on my wife when she was pregnant. Now she insists I can never be part of my child’s life.

I’m 29, my ex-wife is 30, and our baby will be born in the summer.

We got married four years ago. Looking back, I had doubts about our relationship right from the start.

We didn’t have much in common, our backgrounds were completely different and I didn’t like or respect her friends.

But she was attractive and fun, and I got swept along.

Once we were married, our differences became more obvious. We couldn’t agree on where to live.

I wanted to buy a house in the same location as our work, but she wanted to stay near her family. She wouldn’t compromise. So, we bought a house I never liked.

Then her sister got pregnant, and she suddenly wanted us to try for a baby. My doubts were incessant by then, so I insisted we waited.

She agreed. But a few weeks later, she showed me a positive pregnancy test.

By Christmas, I had no love left for her at all. I confessed to my parents how unhappy I was, so they told me to come home.

My ex is now saying I’ll never see our child, and she keeps threatening to move away after she gives birth and disappear from my life forever.

I don’t love her, but I desperately want to be a decent dad. What can I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: The priority here is your unborn child. While there’s never a perfect time to split up, your ex-wife must feel especially vulnerable and scared at the moment.

This fear is likely to be fuelling her threats and she may well be trying to scare you into staying.

Even when a couple split, it’s beneficial for children to have a good relationship with both parents and you can co-parent together.

Read my support pack, When Parents Fall Out. This explains more about what children need when their family breaks up. Perhaps you could pass a copy on to her if you feel it will help.

For more advice and support on staying involved in your child’s life contact the charity Both Parents Matter (bothparentsmatter.org.uk, 0300 0300 363).

LOVE HAS CRUMBLED OVER FOOD

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE fallen out with my fella over a falafel.

I’m 29 and became a vegan five years ago.

Recently, I met a lovely man and we started dating. Everything seemed promising, until he took me out for a meal and I ordered a falafel.

He started making fun of me for not eating meat and being “weird” and “healthy”.

We had a row in the restaurant, and I haven’t heard from him since. I’m scared our love has crumbled, just like my falafel.

DEIDRE SAYS: It can be tricky eating a different diet to your partner.

But by mocking your healthy choices, he showed a lack of respect, or simply misjudged the joke.

It sounds like you’re keen to give the relationship another go so ask him out for another drink and explain why being vegan is important to you.

When he knows your reasons for avoiding meat, he’ll hopefully be more understanding and if not, at least you will know you are on different paths.

SEX-HELP CLINIC

DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING a ten-inch sex toy in my wife’s underwear drawer has shaken my confidence. Is she missing her well-hung ex?

I’m a 42-year-old man. I keep myself in decent shape physically, but obviously I can’t change the size of my penis.

It’s only about 5in long when erect, and the same girth as a Toffee Crisp but I never worried about my size until I met my wife.

She’s 38. We’ve been married for 12 years.

She had an active sex life before we met, and her ex just before me was extremely well endowed. My wife said he had “the biggest penis I’ve ever seen in my life”.

Those words haunt me.

I think we have a great sex life, and I use my hands and tongue to bring her pleasure, as well as my penis. I always ask if I’m satisfying her, and she always says I am.

But last week, putting away laundry, I found her giant sex toy.

Why has she bought this? I am afraid she’s missing her big boy ex and that I’ll never measure up.

DEIDRE SAYS: Bigger isn’t always better. The average penis size for UK men is around 5 inches so you’re not unusually small.

And you’ve been together a long time now – if you weren’t hitting the spot in bed, your wife would have let you know.

I’m not sure how much you know about the female anatomy, but a really large penis can make sexual intercourse painful rather than pleasurable. If the head of the penis hits the cervix at the top of the vagina, it can really hurt.

If the head of the penis hits the cervix at the top of the vagina, it can really hurt.

Don’t worry about her ex or the monster under the bed. The sexiest things you can do for your wife are to be attentive, loving and responsive.

Pay attention to her clitoris, and keep using your hands and tongue to arouse her.

To reassure you, my support pack about Penis Size and another one, How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed, will give you some new ideas to try together.