My husband has been cheating on me with men – and I’m worried sick waiting for STI test results

DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND out my husband has been cheating on me – with men.

If that wasn’t hurtful enough, I’ve also spent the last week of my life worried sick waiting for HIV test results.

I can’t get my head around how he could hurt me like this, never mind put my health at risk too.

I’m a woman of 39, he’s 42, and we’ve been married for seven years.

We used to have a full and exciting sex life but over the past few years things have dropped off.

We still get intimate, but it’s nowhere near the same as it used to be.

He’s become emotionally distant but I naively assumed it was a phase and we would come back together eventually like most couples do.

I was completely oblivious to what he was really getting up to until I saw a notification from a gay dating app pop up on his phone.

Curious, I went on his phone where I found countless sexual conversations with him and other men.

It was clear from some of the conversations that he’d met some of them.

It’s not only the physical cheating that has upset me but the fact he’s hidden his sexuality from me also.

After visiting the doctor to run some STI tests, I got my tests back abnormal for HIV, which then left me on edge for weeks awaiting further results.

While they’ve now given me the all-clear, I can’t move on from this.

I told him that things between us are over but he won’t move out of the house. What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: This man has completely betrayed your trust and put your health at risk.

You absolutely have the right to decide you don’t want to be in this relationship any more.

Whether your husband likes it or not, you can’t stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy and he has to accept your decision.

Have another conversation with him and be firm when you tell him it’s over and that together you need to work out a plan of separation in manageable steps.

After further discussions, if he’s still refusing to acknowledge your relationship is over, you can find out more about your rights through gingerbread.org.uk.

IT’S CHAOS WITH OUR GRANDKIDS

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M at the end of my tether with my son-in-law and his hands-off parenting.

No matter what, he refuses to discipline his kids, and their behaviour is getting out of hand.

I’m 62, my wife is 60, and we’ve been married for five years. She has a son from a previous relationship who’s 32.

He has a two-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son, who we often look after.

I love his kids, but every time we see them, they misbehave – whether they’re having a tantrum, throwing stuff across the room, shouting at us, or fighting with each other, they’re out of control.

In the past we’ve tried to tell them off, but as soon as their dad found out, he had a lot to say. He insisted that they were his kids, so we weren’t allowed to tell them what to do.

Ever since, it’s been a complete nightmare. My son-in-law and his wife are constantly busy, so we have their kids more often than I’d like.

My wife loves them and wants to be involved in her grandchildren’s lives, so I don’t want to take that away from her.

Every time it’s complete chaos, and they run riot around our house.

I’ve tried my best to put up with it, but it’s getting me down.

DEIDRE SAYS: If you don’t find a solution, you risk these family issues putting a huge strain on your relationship.

It’s clear your wife’s grandchildren are a huge part of her life, so they are going to be around for a long time to come.

You both need to talk with her son and find some common ground on what standards of behaviour you will expect of the grandchildren when they are visiting you.

While it’s a difficult conversation to have, it’s essential for both of your mental well-being.

My support pack, Stressed With The Kids, may be of help to you and your son-in-law.

HURTS TO SEE HER MOVE ON

DEAR DEIDRE: I STILL live with my ex and watching her move on is tearing me apart. While I knew it would happen eventually, having to watch it play out is hitting me hard.

I’m 28, my ex is 26 and we were together for three years before we broke up two months ago. It had been a long time coming but it hurt all the same.

Neither of us can afford to move out so we decided to stay until the end of our tenancy in July.

She is so obvious about the fact she’s seeing someone else.

She’s constantly getting dressed up for dates and disappears for days at a time.

The way she smiles at her phone when her new bloke messages her kills me.

Watching her find happiness with someone else hurts so much.

DEIDRE SAYS: Living with an ex is hard at the best of times, never mind when they start seeing someone else.

Unfortunately, as you’re no longer together, you can’t do anything to change this but you can focus on moving forward.

When you move out things will get easier but, in the meantime, keep yourself busy and see other friends.

My support pack, Moving On, will help you through.