ONE of the things you notice if you travel round the world’s off-the-beaten-track backwaters is that some cultures see nothing wrong with throwing anything they don’t want out of the front door, and on to the pavement.
Vegetable peelings. Broken cookers. Dead pets. The street is where you put the lot.
A boy picks through rubbish in Manila, home to one of the world’s most disgusting litter problems[/caption]
Similar rotten mounds have appeared in Handsworth, Birmingham[/caption]
‘I don’t believe in the death penalty,’ says Jeremy, ‘but for littering, I’d make an exception’[/caption]
Labour are more worried about Fulmar sea birds getting tummy ache for all the biro tops they’ve eaten than Britain being turned into a rat-infested cesspit[/caption]
Some say that Manila in the Philippines has the world’s most disgusting litter problem, but I’d have to say Bolivia is up there too. And India.
But having seen a news report this week, it’s possible that Handsworth in Birmingham now trumps the lot.
It’s not just the occasional empty Coke can or burger wrapper, the pavements look like they’ve hosted an all-comers fly-tipping competition.
I’m sure there are those who’ll blame the immigrant community, saying that if you come from a country where such behaviour is normal, then you’re going to do it here too.
But you find the same problem here in the Cotswolds, where most locals can trace their ancestors back to the Piltdown Man.
Every hedgerow round my farm is full of crap and it makes me so angry as I drive along, my hair starts to steam.
If I were in charge, there would be snipers up every pylon and in every tree, with orders to blow the head off anyone who chucks even so much as a Bounty bar wrapper out of their car window.
I don’t believe in the death penalty but for littering, I’d make an exception.
Sadly, however, I’m not in charge. The Labour Party is.
Labour councils, like Handsworth, would far rather spend their money on plant-based diets for people in the transgender community than emptying bins or cleaning streets.
And the Labour government in Westminster isn’t that bothered either.
In fact, while it spends exactly no pounds, no shillings and no pence on snipers in trees, the last time I looked, it was spending half a billion on the Blue Planet Fund which helps developing countries protect their marine ecosystems from the plastic thrown into the sea by Far right extremists.
Yup, they are more worried about the wrong sort of barnacle floating in a Flora margarine tub boat on to a pristine beach in Svalbard, and Fulmar sea birds getting tummy ache for all the biro tops they’ve eaten, than they are about this country being turned into a rat-infested cesspit.
MONEY WASTE A CRIME
YOU might think that if there’s a shortage of prison space in the UK, it’d make sense to maybe build some more.
It’s not like we don’t have the cash.
This week, we learned that there’s so much money swilling around in the Government coffers, they have to spend it on studies into TikTok dance lessons, AI robots that make a company more trans-friendly, and even a quarter of a million quid on research into “queer animals”.
And still there was enough left over to buy the Albanian prison service 15 brand new electric Porsches.
Prison reformists, however, say new prisons are not necessary and that it would be better if judges handed out more lenient sentences.
They say that in the early 90s, the average sentence was 16 months and that today, it’s 22.5 months.
But the rate of reoffending is still at nearly 40 per cent. So the crims may as well be let out earlier.
Why? So they can do their reoffending more quickly.
TRUMP WORLD WORRY
Donald Trump seems to think America should become an isolationist state, concerned only with itself[/caption]
I’VE got to be honest; when Trump first entered the White House this time round I was pretty impressed.
Removing the ban on plastic straws, for instance, made me very happy because while he’s incorrect to say paper straws “explode”, they definitely can’t get a tasty beverage from the glass to your mouth.
However, his recent foreign policy announcements suggest he’s a bit weak on world affairs. He seems to think that America should become an isolationist state, concerned only with itself.
Forgetting perhaps that the countries it’s supported in the past will simply turn to China for help.
And then there’s this Ukraine business. All we can do is be thankful Donald wasn’t in the White House in 1939.
“Look, the French started this bigly war and de Gaulle’s a big-nosed idiot, so I say we let Hitler keep what he’s conquered so far and move on.”
GLARE STORY
MOTORISTS are complaining in increasing numbers about the brightness of modern-day LED car headlamps.
They say that even on dipped beam, they often blind drivers going in the other direction. And they’re right. They do.
To make matters worse, many new cars have a feature that automatically dips the headlights when a car’s going the other way. And it rarely works.
They dip when you’re approaching a reflective sign warning of dangerous bends ahead, or if they detect the glint from the eyes of a startled animal in the road.
But they don’t dip when they detect oncoming headlights. And modern Range Rovers are the worst offenders.
LABOUR’S NHS JOY
LABOURITES have been rejoicing all week at the news that in the last five months, there have been an extra two million NHS appointments.
But before you pass round the quinoa sandwiches and hoist a red flag, it’s probably worth pointing out that actually, there have been two million more appointments than there were in the same period the year before.
When the junior doctors were on strike.
And also that the NHS is bound to run more smoothly if you cut the OAP heating allowance, so all the arthritic old people freeze to death, long before they need a hospital appointment.
LONG ROAD AHEAD ON GREEN LORRIES, ED
Demand for zero-emission electric lorries has slumped[/caption]
THERE was alarm in the sustainable Net Zero community this week when new figures showed that demand for zero-emission electric lorries has slumped.
In 2024, very nearly 50,000 new lorries were registered but only 217 were zero emission. That’s a market penetration of just 0.5 per cent.
Naturally, people who think green energy is simple and should be adopted by everyone are baffled by this.
They reckon that as a truck driver has to take a break every few hours, he could use the time to charge up his batteries before moving on. Simples.
Yes, but there’s only one electric charging station for lorries in the whole country. And as it’s on the M61 between Preston and Bolton, it’s not much use if you’re in, say, Kent.
There’s another issue too. Lorries are heavy so it takes a lot of power to make them move.
So much in fact that the average weight of the battery pack in an electric lorry is four tons. Which doesn’t leave that much spare room for, you know, stuff.
Still, with Ed Miliband, in charge, I’m sure all these problems will be ironed out by the time diesel-engined lorries are banned in 11 years’ time. Clock’s ticking Ed.
You’d better put down that bacon sandwich mate and get to work.
FARMERS’ FURY
FARMERS were told by Treasury officials this week that the Government would not budge on its plans to make agricultural land subject to inheritance tax.
So I have a simple message for our friends in the checked shirts and sturdy boots. Between April 2026, when the new law comes into force, and 2029 when Starmer and Reeves are ejected from office, do not die.
And if you do, instruct your children put you in the freezer and keep schtum until the coast is clear.
