DEAR DEIDRE: SEX at a theme park gave me the ride of my life – but now I am pregnant and the father has vanished.
I’m 19 and I work at the site, serving drinks and snacks from a tiny kiosk.
A new supervisor joined our team recently and I immediately clocked that he was gorgeous.
He had to visit my kiosk every day, so I made sure I always looked good, and I went out of my way to be friendly.
It worked — soon we were flirting and texting through our shifts.
One day he asked me to stay late. I thought it was overtime, but instead he took me on a magical walk through the deserted park.
It ended with us climbing into one of the boats on a water ride and undressing each other.
It was the best sex I’d ever had. He was so confident, and I couldn’t get enough of him.
We started having sex two or three times a week at work.
We’d find exciting new places to do it, like inside the ghost train, or in the rollercoaster control booth. I thought we’d developed genuine feelings for each other. I certainly had for him.
Then, one morning I was cooking hot dogs at work, and couldn’t stand the smell. I felt queasy and exhausted. I counted the dates in my head and realised my period was late.
A pregnancy test confirmed the news. I arranged to see my supervisor to tell him, but he didn’t show up.
My manager later announced that he’d unexpectedly quit.
That was three weeks ago. I’ve sent countless messages, but he hasn’t replied.
When I call him, it rings with no answer. I suspect I have been blocked.
I’ve been feeling frantic with worry, and I still haven’t told my parents. I’m so worried. I don’t have a clue what to do.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You will be feeling anxious and vulnerable, added to which this man who you’d developed feelings for has disappeared.
I’m sorry but he’s showing you he can’t be relied on, so now is the time to work out what you want to do next.
Please don’t go into denial. It’s vital that you start to consider the implications of becoming responsible for a child on your own.
My Unplanned Pregnancy support pack provides all the information and advice you’ll need to make a decision about what to do next.
Also, find someone to confide in – like your parents, or an older sibling. They will be able to support you.
Having a baby would change the course of the rest of your life, and you’ll need support and resources.
My counsellors will stay in touch.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
AM I WRONG TO GIVE UP ON DATING?
DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH I keep being told I would make a wonderful husband, I couldn’t be less interested in love.
Almost all of my relationships have been unhappy, some even emotionally abusive. So, to my mum’s despair, I have turned my back on dating.
I am a 28-year-old man with a busy job as a builder.
My father was violent, so I made a conscious decision at a young age to channel my energy into sport.
I run every day and compete in triathlons.
Unlike the rest of the world, I’m just not interested in relationship “norms”. I find them all very boring. Holidays, boring. Cuddles in bed, boring. Setting up home together, boring.
I haven’t always felt like this. My last girlfriend was a single mum to two daughters, aged four and seven, and I could see myself raising them as my own.
I loved them all very much and I would have given them the world. After about a year together, my girlfriend asked me for money to replace their broken fridge.
I happily gave her £500, but her fridge never got replaced.
Later, I found out she had blown the lot on drugs. That broke my heart.
I’m not interested in dating any more. I am godfather to my best friend’s son, and I’m happy spending my spare time on work and fitness.
The only women in my life these days are my mum, my sister and a few platonic female friends.
Everyone keeps telling me I’ll regret staying single. Do you think I will?
DEIDRE SAYS: It is very possible to live a happy, fulfilling life without romance.
But I’m not sure you truly want to stay single for ever.
Underneath all your words, I suspect you feel very hurt.
You might also be carrying a lot of anger about the way you have been treated, especially by your violent father, and your deceitful ex-girlfriend.
It would be completely understandable for you to lose faith in dating after a string of abusive partners. But there is always hope that the next person you meet will be different.
My support pack How Counselling Can Help explains how you can explore all of this with a counsellor. They can help uncover repressed emotions, and give you tools for spotting new partners’ red flags much sooner.
My Finding The Right Partner For You support pack will also help.
Last on his list of priorities
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner and I have just had a huge row because he never wants to make plans with me.
I’m scared it’s over. He is 40, I’m 32 and we have been dating for three years.
Lately I feel like I’m last on his list of priorities.
Everything came to a head yesterday when I was trying to plan a holiday for the two of us.
His text replies were dry and it didn’t sound like he wanted to go.
I lost my temper and sent him a paragraph describing how I felt like I am last on his list of priorities. He hasn’t replied.
DEIDRE SAYS: It seems like there’s a lack of trust – and possibly quite a lot of anger – on both sides.
If you genuinely felt loved, I doubt you would have sent an angry text. But if he truly wanted to fix things, I also doubt he would have ignored it.
It’s still possible for you both to identify what is going wrong and stay together, if that is what you want.
My support pack Looking After Your Relationship will help – meet and read it together.
Chucked ex over sex
DEAR DEIDRE: I DUMPED my boyfriend because we never had sex – but I didn’t tell him that was the reason.
I am 62 and he’s 65. We had lots in common, genuinely enjoyed our time together and even told each other that we loved one another.
But the lack of physical intimacy has proved a deal- breaker for me.
We had sex a few times at the start. He struggled to maintain an erection, and didn’t seem motivated to discuss it with his doctor.
Despite my age, I still have a healthy sex drive.
Aside from a few minor niggles, I feel as good as I did in my thirties, and I have the same needs.
Sadly, my boyfriend had neglected several health issues and his libido had suffered. As well as erection problems, he was overweight, pre-diabetic and had sleep apnoea.
The final straw for me was a holiday to Paris. We didn’t have sex at all. In the French capital! The most romantic city on Earth, and we never even got naked.
When we got home, I ended the relationship but didn’t say why.
That was six months ago. I have really missed his company, so last week I messaged him and asked to meet.
He agreed. My plan is to be very blunt with him, tell him the reasons we split up, and see if he is motivated to change.
Do you think there is any hope for us?
DEIDRE SAYS: There might be hope. It is sad that you split up, because in all other aspects you sound compatible.
But if the sexual problems are not sorted out, I can see you becoming resentful again.
Unless your ex is happy to see his doctor, there’s not much you can do. Nagging won’t improve his health.
I know you say you will be blunt and honest, but it is important that you treat him with kindness and respect. It’s always best to be open and honest, especially if you do it with care and consideration.
I am sending you my support pack Great Sex At Any Age.
Read it before you meet your ex. It will give you ideas of techniques you can try together, if he is willing.
Grief dreams
DEAR DEIDRE: YEARS after they died, I have started having dreams about my parents. Why is this happening?
I’m in my fifties and my father died unexpectedly when I was 25.
We weren’t particularly close, so although I was sad he passed, he didn’t leave a big hole in my life.
He had always been a bit overbearing and had very strong views on how I should live my life.
Mum died five years later. Recently I’ve had several dreams about them. In them, they both seem to be trying to tell me something but I can never make out what they’re saying.
DEIDRE SAYS: Dreams can mean you have unresolved feelings about a situation.
Perhaps you see your parents struggling to talk to you because you didn’t feel you connected when they were alive.
If you are around the age your Dad was when he died, you might be thinking of your own mortality.
Dreams are thought to be the subconscious mind expressing itself. By talking to family or friends you may be able to work through these feelings.
