I can’t resist my cheating ex despite dating her mate – her sexy glow-up with boob job drives me wild

DEAR DEIDRE: MY ex has had a really sexy glow-up and now I can’t get her out of my head, even though I’ve got a lovely new girlfriend – her mate.

Our relationship ended when I caught her having sex with another guy in her car.

She treated me so badly but the one good thing that came out of our time together was that she introduced me to her friend, who is the complete opposite of her — kind and genuine.

I started dating her friend a year ago (six months after I rumbled my ex’s cheating).

I’m 31, my new girlfriend is 30 and my ex is 28. My partner and my ex work together in a gift shop in town.

Sex with my new girlfriend is good but she doesn’t quite measure up to my ex, who was adventurous, agile and passionate.

She was up for anything but I had my suspicions she was cheating, and when I caught her she laughed in my face and called me a loser.

Everything was going well with my new girlfriend and we were planning to move in together soon. But then a friend showed me pictures of my ex.

She was always a good-looking woman but she’s gone blonde, had new teeth, lip filler and a boob job. She looked amazing.

I try to tell myself in my rational moments that any feelings I had for her were long-gone after she cheated.

That’s what my head says — but my heart beats faster every time I think about her.

It’s driving me mad. So far I’ve resisted the temptation to get in touch but my mate said that she was asking about me in a club at the weekend.

I don’t know how much longer I can hold off contacting her for.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve got a bad attack of lust. Think about it – your ex may have been good in bed but that is where it finished. She was a cheat, and abusive.

On paper, she gives you nothing. Do you want to become a cheat yourself?

Your self-esteem has taken off now you’re with somebody who appreciates and respects you.

Lasting happiness lies in feeling good about yourself and surrounding yourself with others who do too. Delete your ex’s account from your phone and focus on the girlfriend you already have.

If you want to liven up your sex life, my support pack 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help.

NEW WIFE DUMPED ME FOR A WOMAN

DEAR DEIDRE: WE have only been married for eight months and I thought we were still in the honeymoon period, yet my wife ditched me for a woman.

There was never any indication she was bisexual until she started behaving strangely at home, always guarding her phone.

I began to think it was another man so when I confronted her, you could have knocked me down with a feather when she said she’d fallen for her nail technician.

They are both 31. My wife says she is going to move in with her. It has left me emotionally scarred. The only good thing is that we hadn’t had children, although we were trying.

I don’t know how I’ll recover. I’m 34 and my confidence is at an all-time low now.

How can I pick myself up and start again? I don’t trust women now.

DEIDRE SAYS: You are bound to feel wary after the woman you love sprung this on you. She may have found it difficult to talk to you about her sexuality but cheating is cheating.

She has hurt and betrayed you. You have done nothing wrong. Remember, this situation won’t be the same for ever. Today’s gossip is tomorrow’s fish and chip paper.

Get out with your friends and network with new people. It will give your confidence a boost. My support pack called Moving On will help you.

MISSUS WON’T LET ME MAKE SPONGING SON PAY RENT

DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH I want to ask our son to pay us rent, my wife won’t hear of it. It’s causing lots of arguments.

Our lad has never worked a day in his life and thinks everyone owes him a living. He’s 22 and lazy.

He goes out with his mates until the early hours and doesn’t roll out of his pit until mid-afternoon.

I imagine he spends his jobseeker’s allowance in the pub. He contributes nothing, while eating us out of house and home. His mum and I work long hours and struggle to pay the bills.

I wouldn’t mind if our son was trying to find work, but he’s not. He loafs around the house and doesn’t do a thing to help.

Am I right here?

DEIDRE SAYS: Absolutely. You’re not doing him any favours by handing everything to him on a plate.

Nothing about his current lifestyle will change unless he starts contributing. You could take a bit of rent from him, even if you save it for him so he can put it towards moving out.

But it sounds as if you could do with this money to go towards running the house.

Agree the terms with your wife then call a family meeting and explain that he has to start paying his way. My support pack Family Finances will help you to work it out.

Encourage and support him to look for work, too. My support pack Help For Job Hunters is full of tips.

I CAN’T GET OVER DOG DYING IN FIRE

DEAR DEIDRE: I FEEL as if I’m in a dark, bleak place since we lost our lovely dog in a house fire caused by some cheap Christmas lights.

They had been left on by accident when we were all at work. Our possessions have been destroyed due to smoke damage.

My mum is blaming herself, but it could have been any of us. We all walked past them, switched on, in the hall.

Some of the neighbours are saying we caused the accident to get the insurance money. Why would we do that?

We loved our dog. She was a soppy old thing and we wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. I’m a woman of 24 and I’m staying with my sister in her flat at the moment, while Mum and Dad are with my grandma.

Although we only lost the entrance hall and part of our front room, the builders will be fixing things up for months.

I can’t face even contemplating going home after our dog met such a terrible end to her life there.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry this happened. It was nobody’s fault, just an accident. Your whole world has been turned upside down and losing your dog in such a way is tragic.

Rise above the idle, malicious gossip. Your family and friends know the truth. If your house is nearby, take a walk past it and build up your visits by stopping to have a chat to the builders.

Remember, your home is going to look completely different with new fixtures, fittings and decoration in the affected areas.

You’ll get used to a new, fresh look and your happy memories of being there with your dog will stay with you for ever.

Contact the Blue Cross (bluecross.org.uk, 0300 777 1897), which runs a pet bereavement service to help you manage your grief.