When you’re scrolling through TikTok, chances are you’ll see videos about the latest BookTok sensation or a viral trend that polarizes its audience. And one of those viral trends is a type of video you’ve likely seen over and over again: a parent recording their child doing something — just for the sake of publicly embarrassing or punishing them. Now, this could be anything, like recording them doing chores, having a meltdown, or more. We’ve seen a wide array, especially with toddlers and younger kids, but lately there seems to be an uptick in these videos when it comes to teenagers, and they all have a common theme: a recording parent, and a teen who looks so unhappy that it breaks our heart a bit.
SheKnows asked some experts to weigh in with their thoughts on this trend. How dangerous or damaging can this act be to a teenager? How it can affect a parent’s relationship with their teen? And how can parents repair the damage already done?
What Are the Long-Term Effects of Recording My Teen and Posting the Content Online?
You’ve probably heard the old adage, “The internet is forever.” What people mean by that is that your digital footprint is online permanently. Even if you scrub it all clean, there are still websites that retrieve archived content, and you never know who downloaded your content when it was up. Because of this, you have to consider your digital footprint, especially for your child.
“What you post now could potentially resurface in the future — whether through employers, schools or even their peers. It exposes them to an online audience they didn’t choose, which might affect their privacy or even how they’re perceived later in life,” Melissa Legere, LMFT, co-founder & COO at California Behavioral Health, told SheKnows. “Also, if you regularly post content about them without considering their feelings, it could make them struggle to understand boundaries. They might not learn how to set limits/recognize when something shouldn’t be shared because they’ve grown up with their personal moments being public.”
What Are Some Inappropriate Times to Record, and Why?
A pattern we’ve seen on the internet, especially on TikTok, is parents recording their child during a meltdown. We’ve seen TikToks of teens discussing that their parents did this to them as kids, along with new parents doing the same. However, experts agree that this is one of the worst times to record your child — no matter their age.
“These situations need connection, not exposure, to preserve trust and model good behavior for the future and their expectations of themselves in the world,” Sloane Previdi, LMSW, MFT, founder at Sloane Previdi LLC, told SheKnows — who also noted that another instance to never record your child is during disciplinary times.
Is Recording My Teen an Effective Way to Stop Bad Behavior?
We’ve all seen the family channels — and a lot of the fallback from some of the most popular over the years. Quite a few brave people have spoken out about how their parents would record them having a tantrum or an emotional breakdown, either using it for later as an example, threatening to send it to their friends, or posting it online. In fact, some parents are even going so far as to call this a “parenting hack,” and of course TikTok users gave pushback to these parents.
Alex Huffmaster, LMSW and founder of Huffmaster Therapy, told SheKnows that “there are no benefits to be gained” from recording your teen’s low moments.
“It might escalate their emotions — especially if they feel embarrassed, or like their feelings aren’t being taken seriously,” cautioned Legere. “And if you post it, it puts them in a vulnerable position where others can comment on a very personal moment. It’s better to handle tantrums without a camera in the way; focus on calming them down and understanding what they need instead.”
Remember, your teen deserves to feel safe with their emotions and their privacy.
Why Is My Teen’s Privacy So Important?
Everyone has a right to privacy; it’s as simple as that. Some parents have a “no privacy while you’re under my roof” mentality, rationalizing that monitoring all their teens’ actions (and interactions) is in their best interest where safety is concerned. Others may not understand the gravity of online privacy, especially in a day and age that’s all about posting everything about oneself. However, teens’ privacy is vital for their growth, and being posted online without their consent — at all, but especially during moments of vulnerability — can harm them in the long run.
“Sharing their moments online without their consent removes their ability to control how they are perceived by the world. It also increases the risks of cyberbullying and the misuse of their images. Respecting their privacy demonstrates that their feelings and boundaries are important, which is a valuable lesson they will carry into adulthood,” Joshua Sprung, LCSW, Executive Regional Clinical Director at Southeast Addiction Center, told SheKnows.
Legere also noted, “Another reason is that your child should be able to live their life without so many eyes on them. They deserve the chance to grow, make mistakes and just be themselves without the pressure of feeling like everything they do is on display. Privacy gives them that space to figure out who they are in their own time.”
How Can We as Parents Understand the Ramifications of Doing This?
Keep in mind that short- or long-term consequences can happen with this, and to help minimize these harsh effects, you need to put yourself in your child’s shoes. “Consider how you would feel if your private moments were shared, especially as a teenager. Teens are sensitive to judgment, and oversharing can harm self-esteem and trust. Honestly, most adults would even find it very challenging to have a fight between partners exposed or something else very personal. This is very similar,” Previdi told SheKnows.
“It’s essential to consider how your actions today may affect your teenager in the future. How would they feel if their friends or potential employers came across certain videos? Could the constant exposure of their life impact their self-esteem? Educating yourself about digital privacy and engaging in open conversations with your teen about their comfort levels can help you make more informed decisions,” Sprung added.
What if I Already Did This and It Upset My Teen? Can It Be Repaired?
Yes — it’s possible to repair a rupture in the relationship!
“If you’ve recorded your child during a time of emotional distress or a private moment and it upset them, the first step is to acknowledge their feelings and be sincere in your apology. Explain that you understand why they felt upset and assure them it won’t happen again. This shows respect for their feelings and helps rebuild trust. It’s also a good opportunity to have a conversation about privacy, consent, and digital boundaries. Discuss with your child what they are comfortable with regarding recording and sharing content. This ongoing dialogue can strengthen your relationship, helping to ensure that your child feels heard, respected, and valued,” Huffmaster told SheKnows.
Before you go, check out some of Reddit’s most wicked step-parent stories.
