Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
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DEAR DEIDRE: THERE is a young woman who catches the train every day from the station where I’m the guard – and I’m longing to ask her out.
She looks about 25 and is so pretty. I’m 23 and was immediately drawn to her.
I make a point of saying good morning as she passes through the station. She always gives me such a warm smile in return.
I’ve worked at the same station since I finished my apprenticeship.
The lads from the station tell me I should invite her for a drink but I’m worried that if she doesn’t like me, she’ll think I’m harassing her.
I could be reported to my manager for chatting to a passenger during work time.
I’m new to all this. I’ve never asked anyone out before. Can you help?
DEIDRE SAYS: Why not make small talk next time you see her. That way, she will know you are interested.
The fact she smiles is a good sign. Be ready for the fact that she may have a partner or may not want a relationship – but if you don’t ask her out, you’ll never know.
It couldn’t be seen as wasting time on the job, or harassment, simply to ask her to meet you for a coffee out of working hours.
You may be taking “customer relations” to the next level but what is wrong with that?
If there’s a spark when you chat, think about taking things further by arranging a date.
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Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
DEAR DEIDRE: A TEXT sent to my boyfriend by his ex said, “The sex was fantastic”.
Why won’t she leave us alone? She’s always been a pain.
Their relationship ended three years ago but she’s always messaging him and now I think they are having sex.
They have a son together. My boyfriend is 31 and I’m 28. His ex is 33.
I thought he’d never kept secrets from me but he left his phone on the kitchen table and something told me to look at his messages last weekend. His ex said she really missed the sex with him.
I scrolled through previous messages and it was obvious to me that they still sleep together when he visits his son, who is four.
I told him what I’d found and he denied it, saying he didn’t know what I was on about.
He won’t talk to me about her and doesn’t understand why I’m upset.
DEIDRE SAYS: His little boy is part of his life so you have to accept that but what you do not have to accept is his betrayal and gaslighting.
Tell him that, if the relationship is going to continue, ignoring this is not going to make the problem disappear.
Insist that from now on, he brings his child to your home instead and that he must not be with his ex alone. If he strays again, you need to move on.
My support pack called Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will give you additional advice.
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Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
DEAR DEIDRE: WORRYING about the whereabouts of my cat is keeping me up at night, as I often go outside to search for her.
I know it’s ridiculous and I’m not being rational but I am terrified she’ll get run over.
I’ve always lived with anxiety but it is now stopping me from sleeping, unless my cat is at home.
My mother died last year then I lost my job. I’m a woman of 42.
I know that this is the way life is, with its ups and downs, but I can’t stop worrying about everything.
After Mum passed away, my brother and I argued over the funeral arrangements. He’s not been to see me since.
I can’t shift this horrid feeling and can’t relax until my cat is home. She’s got a tracker on her collar but it doesn’t help.
I go into panic mode. I can’t bear the thought of losing her.
DEIDRE SAYS: It is natural to worry about our pets when they go out alone. My guess is that your anxiety comes from trauma that you lived with from an early age.
If your parents split up or there was family unhappiness, you may have taken it upon yourself to keep everyone together, even as a child. These feelings are hard to dispel.
As an adult, you still keep everything within your control so losing your mother and being made redundant will have been bitter pills to swallow.
Your focus is now on your cat and, as a pet owner, you are doing your absolute best to keep her safe.
But if you can keep her in during the evenings, it will relieve your anxiety in some way. She’ll get used to it.
You can find support through anxietyuk.org.uk (03444 775 774) and my support pack Coping With Bereavement explains where to find some therapy.
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Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my best mate’s girlfriend, on a football club night away, was off the scale. Now I think I’m falling in love with her.
We are all volunteer coaches for a youth team. My mate and I coach the under-13 and 14s, respectively, and his girlfriend coaches the younger kids.
We are all friends and spend a lot of time together. He’s 27 and I’m 29. His girlfriend is 26.
She knows that her boyfriend is a serial cheat but she was always hoping he would “get it out of his system” and everything would be fine.
The thing is, he’s a player — he always has been and his reputation is known throughout the club.
Recently, my team and his girlfriend’s team were in a league where we went away for a tournament.
Some of the parents joined us but in the evening they all disappeared, leaving us two coaches playing some games and watching a film with the kids. It was a good night.
After the kids were in bed, we had a drink and then she blurted out that her friend had seen my mate kissing yet another girl in a club.
She became very emotional and my natural protective instinct kicked in. I tried to comfort her but soon became overcome with some very sexual feelings.
Within minutes we’d gone through to her bedroom and were hurriedly undressing each other.
We had a wild and passionate night. It was a moment of weakness I had, but should I confess to my mate about what I’ve done so that his relationship ends?
It would probably end my friendship with him too. But his girlfriend is wonderful and doesn’t deserve to be with somebody like him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Confessing all would relieve you of the burden of guilt but bring misery to your cheating friend, and now his cheating girlfriend too.
Honesty is often the best policy but, if telling all brings upset, why do it?
It’s doubtful his girlfriend will say anything to him.
If it looks as if she’s still going to stick with him, that is her decision but it isn’t going to help you.
Instead, get out with other friends and find somebody who is free to have a relationship with you.
My support pack, Finding The Love Of Your Life, is full of good tips to help you to find that special person.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
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