DEAR DEIDRE: I AM a male booty call for a woman who organises all the kids’ trips at the school where I work – but I want to be so much more.
I’m single and a 28-year-old PE teacher. She’s 47 but doesn’t look it. I was surprised to learn her children left the school long ago.
We first met at a parent-and-teacher meeting.
She liaises with parents about all the various schemes with the Combined Cadet Force, and runs the whole thing.
After the meeting, we got chatting and there was a bit of a spark. Because we live near each other, we started travelling to various out-of-school events together.
I’ve been single for months and found myself feeling excited at the thought of us spending time alone.
She told me her marriage was a mess. Her husband travels constantly for work — the reason she is so committed to volunteering with the children.
It was obvious we liked each other — and after a couple of months of spending time together, one day I leaned over and kissed her. She responded passionately.
The next evening she came to my hostel room, while the kids camped nearby and we had explosive sex.
Now, whenever there is a school trip, I always sign up, just so I can spend time with her.
I truly love this woman and have been encouraging her to leave her husband but she won’t.
Yet she calls me when she wants sex. I don’t have the willpower to resist.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You do and you should. Whatever you feel about her, she’s married. Having an affair is messing with your head and may even jeopardise your job.
All that you really have between you is sex. This isn’t real life. If she leaves her husband, are you prepared to be stepdad to her grown-up kids? That’s the reality of the situation.
You are at different life stages. While age gaps may work for many couples, would it really work for you?
This relationship isn’t doing you any favours, apart from the thrill of no-strings sex.
You deserve to be with a partner who can be open and honest about being with you. My support pack Your Lover Not Free? explains more.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
DAD HID MY BRO’S ABUSE
DEAR DEIDRE: MY dad lied to the police about my brother abusing me and now the case has been dropped.
My brother is 36 and he has three daughters. The oldest one was seven last year, the age that my brother started abusing me.
I’m a 25-year-old woman and I’ve had lots of therapy to help me. The sexual abuse stopped when I was ten and my dad came home early. He walked in to see my brother abusing me and Dad punched him.
When my niece turned seven I was so triggered that I reported my brother to the police. They came to interview me but my dad denied everything.
Although I was crying, the officers didn’t seem to believe me and my statement was filed away.
DEIDRE SAYS: You deserved to be heard and believed. What your brother did was wrong and you were not at fault.
If you are concerned for your nieces, speak in confidence with the NSPCC (nspcc.org.uk, 0808 800 5000).
The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (napac.org.uk, 0808 801 0331) will help you decide whether you want to press charges again, as well as offering emotional support.
TOY TURNS ME ON MORE THAN FELLA
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I have sex with my boyfriend I can only get a throbbing feeling but he’s desperate to make me orgasm.
It doesn’t help that he keeps asking me if I’m “there yet”. It steals the moment.
We are at university together and have been seeing each other for four months. I’m 19 and he is 21.
I know what an orgasm feels like because I have a sex toy. A girlfriend bought me it for a laugh, but I use it and it’s great.
However, with my boyfriend, I never get to that peak. I just have this strange feeling and the need to go to the loo. Is that a true sexual orgasm?
Am I doing something wrong?
DEIDRE SAYS: I doubt it but perhaps you’re not allowing yourself to fully relax. Try going to the loo before sex.
Orgasms vary for women. Men often enjoy women taking the lead so tell him you’re going to show him how you orgasm.
The only words you need are softer, harder, slower or faster. Make it fun. You know what feels good, so let him know.
My support packs Understanding Female Pleasure and Orgasm For Women will help both of you.
MOTHER-IN-LAW’S SO MEDDLESOME
DEAR DEIDRE: NOW that we have a baby, my mother-in-law has become even more suffocating.
She has always been difficult, interfering in our lives and telling us how to do this and that, yet my husband seems oblivious to what she’s doing. He is very close to her.
I am her long-suffering daughter-in-law and I’m 37. My husband is 40 and my mother-in-law is a widow aged 63.
Her husband died years ago so when my husband suggested we buy a house near hers, I didn’t object.
He wanted to be local if she needed him, which I thought was understandable.
Little did I know what a presence she was going to become in our lives. It started after we tied the knot, when she insisted we open our wedding presents in front of her.
She had an opinion on absolutely everything, criticising what people had bought and how much they had spent.
Our baby is two months old and he’s amazing. But from the moment he arrived, she was telling me how to breast-feed and that I should ignore his cries to “get him into his little routine”.
She kept saying that her son was “wonderful” for changing the baby’s nappy because her husband “never did”. She now turns up unannounced and takes the baby out of my arms to coo over him.
I’m beginning to despise her.
DEIDRE SAYS: Talk to your husband. Explain that you want your son to have a relationship with his grandmother, but she is overstepping the mark and this is affecting how you feel about her.
Ask him to set some boundaries, such as only coming over when she’s invited.
When you are expecting her for a visit, have your son in a baby sling so she is less likely to disturb him until you feel it’s appropriate to allow her to give him a cuddle.
If she turns up unannounced, don’t answer the door but explain later that you were in the bath, or give a different excuse. She will soon get the message.
